The Influence Of Mothers-
Taking Ownership And Responsibility For The Chaos In YOUR Home
Are you ready for some tough love?
No one likes to admit when they’re wrong....
And we often make excuses or justify the status quo…
But we all mess up at times…
Thankfully, that doesn’t mean we’re stuck. We can always turn things around.
Why The Chaos In My Home Is My Fault…a lot of the time
As a mom, I believe we set the atmosphere of our homes and affect the attitudes and habits of our children.
This week I was frustrated with my kids for dragging their feet with their schooling and not getting to the things they are supposed to do each day (even with lots of reminders from me).
They know what to do and what is expected to be done each day (like getting dressed, make their beds, school work before play) but they’d rather stay in their pajamas and play. When given any opportunity to do such, they’ll take it.
When this happens, it can be difficult to get everyone back on track.
This is so frustrating for me. I want them to get up, get dressed, make their beds, do their chores and start their schooling without being told, but when they don’t...it’s my fault.
Here’s the thing...
Our children tend to reflect OUR attitudes and behaviours.
Read that again…
That’s hard for me to admit because man, can their attitudes and behaviours stink at times, and their good habits go down the drain!
I’ve come to realize that the weeks that I struggle with the children not doing what they should be doing is because they were only reflecting me as I set the tone for the day...
They were just following my lead.
With so many balls in the air between schooling, keeping the home in order, making meals and blogging, if I start my priorities off wrong in the morning, my entire day can get derailed and along with it, my children’s habits.
I know what happens when I don’t get my priorities right in the morning and sometimes it’s unavoidable, but more often than not, I have no excuses.
When I’m not getting enough sleep, it’s not because a baby is keeping me up anymore. It’s my poor choice to stay up late watching a movie instead of going to bed at a decent time and getting an early start.
Another poor choice for me is checking email or Facebook first thing in the morning on my phone (which is on my nightstand). This is a no-no for me.
It would be fine if I checked a quick email, but it ends up taking longer than expected and then I end up following some rabbit trail for nothing.
Here’s what happens when I check my phone first thing...
I end up rolling out of bed after the kids, and 1-2 hours later than I like (I try to aim for 5-6am but on these mornings it’s closer to 7 or 8) with nothing accomplished and the kids are running amuck, not getting anything done either.
Meanwhile, they’ve taken their cue from me and are fooling around instead of getting their morning chores done or getting to their schooling.
For me to have a productive day and to be able to give each task my full attention, I need to be up and getting things done before the kids are up.
My morning priorities are:
· Have a quiet time and read scripture
· Get ready for the day
I like to have these done before the kids are up because if I don’t they don’t usually get done until much later, if at all.
The beauty of getting these tasks out of the way first thing is they set my day up for success.
I’ve filled my tank by spending time with the Lord.
I’ve been able to work uninterrupted on writing and get far more done in that hour or two than I do in 6 hours with kids running around and trying to school them and do housework at the same time.
When I exercise it’s much needed self-care. After my dad’s diagnosis with cancer 2 years ago I realized that I am not getting any younger and taking care of my body is very important. When I take care of myself I am able to give back more to my family.
Getting ready for the day, early in the day, means I am ready for anything...going out, a drop-in visitor or even just a sense of feeling ready to tackle the day.
If these things don’t get done first thing, then I’m in my pajama’s until noon, putting out fires and never getting to the writing I was meant to do. I HATE that feeling of being behind before the day barely begins.
This week has been a good example of what not to do and a reminder for me to get back on track. I am responsible for my productivity, the atmosphere and attitude of my home. When I’m not taking ownership of my time and responsibilities, not only am I behind, but I’m also cranky, stressed and frustrated.
What example do I want to set?
I know you’re busy and have a lot going on, but...
Let me ask you, how is your home environment?
Does your home look the way you’d like it to or does it need an organizing and cleaning overhaul?
Are you scrambling to figure out the day’s meals at mealtime?
Or maybe your children are continually not doing what they’re supposed to be doing and you’re tired of the sound of your own voice constantly barking out commands?
Take a few minutes to reflect on your answers...
Are you happy with where you’re at?
Are you spending more time on social media than you care to admit?
Maybe the kids are feeling neglected or they aren’t getting the direction from you that they need because you’re checking out.
Here’s the thing, even though my kids are fairly independent, if I’m out of the room for more than 5 minutes, chaos ensues.
Do you long for a clean, tidy, organized home, but you put off the housework because you’re not sure where to start?
Are you ready for some tough love?
Too often we blame our lack of productivity, chaos or circumstances on other people, our situations or lack of time.
Honestly, lack of time is a bit of a myth.
Yes, everyone is busy, and in different stages of life we are busier than others.
However, if we have time for social media and tv or movies, we have more time than we think.
The truth is, it’s not a time issue, but a priority issue. Our homes run a lot more smoothly when our priorities are in order. What example are we setting for our children with how we spend our time?
When I’m up and getting things done in the morning, the kids see what I’m doing (the example I’m setting) and they usually get going on their schooling right away. This seriously blows me away every time.
It works in reverse too; on the days I’m raising my voice, or being impatient with them, they start to act up and behave the same way towards each other.
The wonderful thing about a chaotic day or a rough week, is that it doesn’t have to stay that way.
When we take responsibility for our action...or lack of action...we can turn things around. We can choose to set boundaries and reset our priorities to reflect what’s most important to us and how we want our days to go. We get to choose whether life will run smoothly in our homes with peace and joy or be chaotic. We need to stop blaming everything and everyone else and take ownership. It starts with us.
If I want peace, love, productivity and people taking ownership of their actions, in my home, then I need to set the example.
So, tell me, how are you approaching your days? Do you have goals and priorities? Are you happy with the way your home functions or are you looking for more peace?
It starts with you, my friend, and the good news is, you can start today.