The Problem With Supermom And Why She Doesn’t Exist

supermom

Let's be honest. Supermom doesn’t exist.

I’ve decided to give up on being Supermom, and that being a good mom is enough.

Here’s why you should give it up too.

I have a question for you: How are we, as moms, supposed to “do it all”, and, what does that even mean ?

I've come to understand “do it all” = Supermom.  

But here’s the thing; Supermom doesn’t really exist, and if she did, she’d be exhausted!

Even though Supermom is not reality, great moms are and they do exist. And great mom’s, equal super moms!

Why Supermom is a myth

Magazines, Pinterest and even Facebook would like to us to think there is a supermom who:

  • ALWAYS make the perfect homemade (from scratch) meals

  • Their homes are always immaculate and perfectly decorated

  • They homeschool their children with ease

  • These moms run a business, blog or work on the side and know exactly how to have a work/life balance 

  • Their family’s clothing, bedding, home decor are all DIY

  • In this woman’s yard, you will find a beautiful vegetable garden

  • Canning is a given, as is cloth diapering their babes

  • These women never raise their voices, lose their cool or use television to...ahem..."babysit" their kids

  • They are involved in every church activity and volunteer for every outreach program 

  • Homemade yogurt, cheese, bread, etc are a weekly occurrence

  • Colour coordinated, themed birthday parties are expected

  • She stays in size 4 shape, looks put together and stylish at all times and never wears the "mommy" uniform.

And the list goes on…

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying any of these things are bad. In fact, I think all of those things are great and I can say I have done most of those at one time or another, BUT never all at the same time. There's only so much of me and so much time in a day.

I have decided that I am not keeping up with what the world sees as "doing it all". 

Besides who says we HAVE to do it all ? Why the impossible standard? Doing more doesn’t make us better wives, mothers or homemakers; or make us more valuable.

Maybe it's just me that's felt this way, but I want to enjoy my life and what I do, but when there's the added pressure to "do it all" and do it all perfectly, it takes the joy right out of it and can make us want to give up without even trying.

So here's the truth...we can't do it all. We can do almost anything, but we can’t do everything at the same time without being overwhelmed.

I’ll admit, at one point I tried to do it all…I thought I had to do it all to be a good wife, mom and homemaker, but I was miserable and felt like I wasn't keeping the standard...especially when I started homeschooling the kids.

Anyone who seems like they have it all together ALL.THE.TIME. probably doesn’t. They’re struggling to juggle it all just like the rest of us.

Letting go of the Supermom mentality

I am a wife, and a full time stay at home mom to 4 kids. The rooms in my house are rarely clean all at the same time, sometimes we eat takeout or fast food; my garden has more weeds than plants; and clean, unfolded laundry often gets moved from one surface to another a couple times before it gets folded and put away.

Can you relate? 

Everyone/family/woman/ mom is different. There are different strength and abilities, as well as different stages of life. Everyone also has different priorities and interests. Maybe you could care less about colour coordinated parties or DIY projects, that's ok !! How boring would it be if we were all the same ? 

I'm not aiming to be supermom/superwoman anymore. I'm just trying to be the best me/wife/mom/business woman I can be.

Do you want to let go of the Supermom mentality?  

Simplify

Here's the number one go to strategy...simplify. 

What I have done is, I continually take a look at my life and what is a priority and necessary.

For example,  I tried cloth diapers; they are really cute and I love the idea behind them, but something had to go because I didn't have time for the extra laundry. With my hard water, the diapers had to go thru a huge long process that involved extra water and a 4+ hour cycle.  

I have enough laundry to do on a daily basis as it is and we share the machine with two of my brothers that live with us. So guess what ? I stopped and switched to disposables. Does that make me a failure ? NO ! 

Same with kombucha making...love the stuff, but it was time consuming and I don't have the space for all the bottles, brewing station, etc. So I quit.

I would LOVE to make my own bread, but after many failed attempts I gave up...seriously even in the bread machine I couldn't get it!! So I buy my bread instead. And I'm ok with that. Besides, my family prefers the store bought bread to the rock loaves I was making ;)

We don't HAVE to do it all ! Sometimes I still have to remind myself of this. 

I'm so tired of the pressure that is on us as moms these days. It's exhausting! Sometimes just making it thru the day with everyone fed is enough.

Anyone else feel the pressure to do it all ?

Plan

The second strategy is planning. Not just planning, but actually implementing it. At one time I spent so much time "planning" on Pinterest, that I didn't have time to actually do what I was planning...meals, cleaning plans, school schedule, etc. Unfortunately, planning won't implement itself ! Try not to get distracted when planning or discouraged if your "plan" doesn't work out. Use it more as a guideline.

Supermom is lonely

There is no such thing as supermom, but there are great moms and great homemakers.

I tried to be supermom and I was lonely because I didn't have time to connect in my relationships. I was also angry because I was so concerned with keeping a perfect house at all times...which is pretty much impossible with children...that I was resentful at what I saw as the source of the messy house, which sadly was my children. Oh how I wish I could go back a few years and have a redo!

So mama’s, please stop measuring yourself by other peoples standards, stop comparing and stop trying to "do it all".  Stop trying to be what the world sees as Supermom and be a great mom instead.

You have a big, important job to do and heaping perfectionism on top of it won’t do anyone any favours.

Now put the cape down, relax and allow yourself to enjoy your mom life.